So, I made a YouTube channel. That in itself isn’t a new development; I’ve had one for a while, because I used to film dance rehearsals and upload them for cast to review. I posted one public video, which was a time-lapse of me doing an overnight set build in a studio theatre. It seems like I’ve since deleted it. I regularly toyed with the idea of posting videos, but with my fear of cameras and my hatred of my own, monotonous voice, it didn’t seem like the most sensible move.
Lockdown, however, changed my mind. I think the boredom convinced me that my voice wasn’t that bad, though nothing short of losing 4 stone could persuade me to get on a camera. I also thought I could maybe get in a niche community quick, because I timed my first steps into Youtube with the release of Animal Crossing New Horizons. My first video went up at the end of March. I’ve since uploaded 22 others – which is a reasonable amount of consistency for me. I’m not well known for being able to commit to things.
Now, I’m under no illusions that I’m producing anything of any value. The videos are the same level of quality as the things I post here; I’m not adept at editing videos, photos or text. YouTube, however, is something I find incredibly enjoyable. Chopping the video down, finding the most entertaining bits, and writing the script are all things I look forward to when it comes to uploading content. I’m still not fully convinced by the audio, because I hate my voice, but I can certainly get over it!
Somehow, the numbers don’t matter to me either. In the past, I’d write a blog I was really proud of, and I’d wait for the comments to roll in. But I wasn’t active in any blogging community, and I didn’t really reciprocate engagement – I wanted to, but apparently I can make myself panic about anything. I didn’t advertise my posts, but I expected huge amounts of interaction on them. There obviously wasn’t, because of the reasons above and also because it wasn’t good content. But then I’d be severely disappointed, to the point I hid my stats off my WordPress homepage because they made me sad. While every single view or comment meant the world to me, I always hoped for more. Two views on a post may well be all that post deserved, but it felt like failure.
A screenshot of Adobe Premire Rush, with my Genshin Impact video. Side note, Genshin is an amazing game.
I’m exactly the same with YouTube in terms of what I put in community wise, but I’m always much more content with my engagement. In the past 48 hours my videos have had 10 views, and I am ecstatic about that. I have 21 subscribers. My biggest video has 450 views. All of those numbers are tiny in terms of YouTube, but they mean so much to me. I honestly can’t explain why, there’s no logic to it, but YouTube numbers are a source of achievement. Blog numbers never were.
The one area in which this blog comes out on top is engagement though, despite what I’ve just said. YouTube’s numbers make me happier for sure. I’m less obsessed with seeing huge figures, but for meaningful engagement this blog wins. I would say I’ve made connections and friends through this blog. Seeing the same names come back to comment, and reading their posts and seeing their lives, felt like a proper community.
YouTube isn’t there yet, and it may never happen to be honest. I’m a small fish in a big pond in blogging. In YouTube, I’m virtually microplankton. Still, I’m really happy with it, because I feel like I’m doing it for me, as opposed to for me and for numbers. I’m not proud of my channel, I don’t feel warm inside when I think about it, but I look forward to it so much, and that’s the difference between it and anything else online I’ve ever done.
I can’t really sign off this post without linking to the YouTube Channel, so here’s Uglyfish13, my channel. If you have a YouTube Channel, feel free to share it below! And please also visit the links in my sidebar, of the people whose blogs I support, and who have always supported me. It is very much appreciated.